Tuesday, July 13, 2010

Big Trains, Big Crowds, and Big Macs (assignment 2)

Sitting against the wall in the middle of the chaos at the Florence train station, a person can see almost anything. People of all nationalities and attire push their way through the crowd, trying to reach their desired platform or the never-ending line to purchase tickets. To my left is a small woman begging those who pass her for money, but mainly receiving scowls or looks of disgust instead. Looking to the right I am hit with a strong odor of frying food, which to no surprise is accompanied with a glowing golden “M.” As I continue watching the crowd, I hear a young child begging for ice cream from a glowing machine. The agitated mother ignores this request and continues pulling the unhappy child towards a waiting train. Everywhere I turn, my eyes fixate on a glowing sign, a large, noisy train, or another person trying to get on with whatever business brings them to this hub of activity. The train station, with its bustling crowd and stores selling everything from a carton of fries to a cheap plastic toy, is easily one of the most diverse places I have ever been.

1 comment:

  1. Kelsey,

    Again a good scene choice. You are working hard at some symmetry of language, too - the "glows" and the way you are turning your head and see these various snippets of activities.

    Add some detail to the scene so that it comes alive a bit more. How many tracks are spread out in front of you? How many departing trains at this time, and where are they headed. What time of day is it?

    I like the way you didn't feel the need to explain your presence here. Let that part be the mystery... nice job.

    Try backing yourself out of the story a bit and adding a colorful verb or two. For example, change this passage:
    Looking to the right I am hit with a strong odor of frying food, which to no surprise is accompanied with a glowing golden "M."
    ...to:
    From the right comes a strong odor of frying food, which to no surprise wafts from a glowing golden "M."

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